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Posted by Philip Patston on 10 January 2009, 2:40 am in

ode to blarney

there once was a bloke in a wheelchair

who couldn't do an irish accent but he didn't care

about his rhyming he would scoff

even though his mitre was dreadfully off

someone really should have told him but they didn't dare


he had a nasty habit of whacking you

with pieces of wood usually 4 x 2

it's not that he meant it

though you wouldn't have dreamt it

it was involuntary movement and luck, it's true


people would sit and smile at him

reciting his limericks on a whim

dodging his bits of wood

often wearing them 'cos he was good

and sometimes someone would lose a limb


there came on the scene another bloke

a rough kinda guy, boy did he toke

he didn't take no shit

not even a wee bit

and the irish just flowed from him when he spoke


he took an instant dislike to our wood throwing guy

and wheelchair or not he just wasn't shy

a block came towards him

it hurtled towards him

and he caught it just like it was a fly


our limerick reciting hero on wheels

looked right in the eyes of this guy who probably deals

he thought for a moment

this geezer looks so bent

that he's probably straight when he kneels


the scene that ensued is too black to be told

it made quivering messes of men who were bold

the blood ran about

there were screams and a shout

and the movie rights are about to be sold


the moral of this tale deserves to be said

the guy in the wheelchair? he didn't end up dead

he just iearnt he could tell

a limerick and throw just as well

with a 4x2 lodged in his head