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Posted by Philip on 15 April 2017, 1:26 pm in , , , , , , , ,

Trapped by the prospect of my new-found freedom

As I posted on Facebook, yesterday I got trapped in my new car. I literally couldn't get out. My wheelchair was secured to the floor of the car and the boot wouldn't open to allow the ramp to deploy.

rear view of white skoda yeti in driveway

After being freed by the AA, who were amazing, I reflected on the emotional toll it took on me, even though I was in my own driveway with my friend Jude there for support. It was really quite scary. And given the prospect of freedom it offered me, I can't help feeling a sense of betrayal, especially as it was such a large investment of money.

I've been in a state of emotional turmoil over this car for the last couple of weeks: excited by the prospect of increased mobility; frustrated by the time it took to have it customised for my needs; and anxious about both the cost of it and how easy I would find driving a new car from my wheelchair.

I was right to feel anxious about driving it. I felt really unsafe and realise it'll take me a while to feel comfortable driving it. I was hoping to take advantage of Easter to take it for short drives.

But now I can't drive it until after the dealer picks it up on Tuesday, as the AA technician considered it faulty, not a flat battery as the dealer suspected when I called him.

So add disappointment to the list of emotional diversity. Not to mention a bit of childhood regression triggered by the memories of several times new toys didn't work!

I'm aware of the paradox of feeling a little bit traumatised by everything, as well as gratitude that it didn't happen when I was out and alone. And, as a friend said on Facebook, go the universe for conspiring to have the fault reveal itself in an environment of safety.

Hopefully these are necessary bumps I need to endure in order to reach a long, trouble-free stretch of smooth driving.

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