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Viewing entries tagged with 'sorry'

Diversity and the ability to give and accept an apology

Posted by Philip on 26 January 2016, 11:00 am in , , ,

Diversity is diverse, infinitely diverse. As I wrote recently, "Self-awareness is more useful than having some form of "textbook knowledge" of other people. Because there are no rules of thumb for engaging respectfully and meaningfully with people if you want to acknowledge the true nature of diversity."

Part of this approach to diversity requires the willingness to be wrong and the humility to apologise. To heal the mistake, the generosity of the wronged party to forgive, is also necessary.

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Will David Cunliffe's male shame change domestic violence?

Posted by Philip on 13 July 2014, 11:45 am in , , , , , ,

David CunliffeThere's been a lot of talk, both for and against, David Cunliffe's recent public confession that he is sorry to be a man. While I admire his intent, I think his choice of words let him down and weakened his message, for several reasons.

Firstly, personalising the message made it all about him and took the focus off women, for whom he was trying to advocate. He would have come across more genuinely had he apologised, on behalf of men, for the violence and abuse women endure from men.

Secondly, Cunliffe's apology for who he is — a man — indicates shame. Researcher Brené Brown is very clear, in her discourse on shame, that shame inhibits change. You simply cannot change your behaviour if you feel bad about who you are. The antidote for shame is the admission of vulnerability. Men, in particular, are nurtured to be invulnerable — which of course they aren't — and so many if not most men feel shame about their vulnerability.

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