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Viewing entries tagged with 'relationships'

Making difficult decisions easier

Posted by Philip on 17 May 2017, 12:10 pm in , , ,

Sometimes making big decisions, especially life changing ones, can be really difficult. Whether or not to quit a university course or a job, end a relationship, make an expensive purchase — how do you decide?

guy with angel and devil sitting on each shoulder whispering/shouting in each ea

Writing a list of pros and cons is the standard advice, but I don't find that useful. Often there are as many pros as cons and discovering that just makes it harder to decide.

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Remembering my purpose

Posted by Philip on 29 September 2016, 1:43 pm in , , , , , , ,

Last night I had the privilege to host a conversation evening facilitated b​y Sue Davidoff and Allan Kaplan of the Proteus Initiative. I've blogged about a couple of retreats I've done with them and I wanted to do another next week but couldn't make it because of work and my support needs.

So I invited 15 others who have also worked with Allan and Sue​ to my place for a shared meal and conversation​​​​​. I shared the issue I wanted to explore​:

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Diversity and the re-orientation of awareness

Posted by Philip on 10 December 2015, 11:00 am in , , , , ,

In the 1980s, 90s and early 2000s I ran awareness workshops. They were focussed on raising awareness of others' diversity, often a certain aspect or characteristic: their disability, sexuality, etc. I also attended workshops aimed at raising my awareness of others, eg. cultural diversity.

I've been reflecting on the work I do now, in particular sessions I've led for ATEED and Idea Services' Autism and Specialist Support team in the last week. I realise I've totally re-oriented the role of awareness in understanding and responding to diversity.

These days I work with people to increase their awareness of themselves, to develop self-awareness.

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Diversity: unique, common and both

Posted by Philip on 28 October 2015, 11:39 am in , , , , ,

"Conversations with God" author Neale Donald Walsche tweeted about good and bad a couple of days ago. It got me thinking about diversity.

As you know, my perspective reframes the model of categorisation and representation, which most people associate with diversity. For me diversity is the synergy of our uniqueness and commonality.

But Walsche's tweet got me thinking again. He said:

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Simple, complicated, complex – Branson is wrong!

Posted by Philip on 9 March 2015, 5:28 pm in , , , , , ,

This morning someone tweeted this quote from Richard Branson:

Richard makes four common mistakes:

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Resignations & employment relationships — what gives?

Posted by Philip on 7 February 2015, 1:39 pm in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I quit! noteI’ve been reflecting on the complex dynamics of employment relationships — let’s call them ERs because of the acronym’s somewhat appropriate onomatopoeia — and what it means when an employee resigns without giving notice.

ERs are tricky things, without a doubt. They are usually initially awkward, in that most ERs begin with a stranger needing to get to know others — at a more than leisurely pace — at least well enough to work toward common goals and outcomes.

An ER, unlike most relationships, is a legal relationship. It shares a latent litigiousness with two other common types of relationship: that between a client/customer and supplier; and, ironically, a marriage. Like the former but unlike the latter, an ER involves an exchange of money — although, well…no, let’s not go there.

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On being single, not quite polyamorous, but definitely non-monogamous

Posted by Philip on 14 May 2014, 4:01 pm in , , , , , , ,

puzzle piecesI've never been good with relationships. It seems I have a low tolerance for engulfment and, even after being single for years, if I get it together with someone then suddenly, somebody else turns up within days or weeks.

I used to think I had commitmentphobia. But I realise I commit to lots of things — work, friendships, appointments, drinking regularly, you name it. I may even have committed to exercising daily, but I won't promise — it's only been two weeks (and I missed three days because I was working and had to get up early).

See, I told you I'm committed to work.

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Thinking about the box, rather than outside it

Posted by Philip on 13 April 2014, 2:01 pm in , , , , , , , , , , ,

box with question marksWe often hear people utter the mantra, “Think outside the box.” It’s become the hold-all for creative thinking, problem solving and even good leadership.

But how often do we often think about the box itself? How often do we consider that, by thinking outside it, we stray away from the box — even ignore it completely — and miss the truth of the matter:

The box is the problem. It’s too big, too small, the wrong shape, the wrong colour.

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How to be authentic and congruent

Posted by Philip on 8 July 2013, 2:00 pm in , , , ,

Authenticity and congruency are important in all relationships of trust, but are crucial in roles of leadership. They allow you to be transparent because what you think and say are aligned.

Without good self-awareness it's hard to be sure that you are congruent on the inside and and coming across as authentic on the outside. Here is a quick and simple exercise I used in the weekend that effectively allows you to assess whether your inner and outer worlds are matching up.

  1. Divide a sheet of paper into four (two rows, two columns).
  2. Number the top two spaces 1 and 2 from left to right.
  3. Number the bottom two spaces 3 and 4 from left to right.
  4. Label Space 1: "Conversations I have with myself about myself".
  5. Label Space 2: "Conversations I have with myself about the world".
  6. Label Space 3: "Conversations I have with the world about myself".
  7. Label Space 4: "Conversations I have with the world about the world".

The top spaces represent your internal world or self-talk. This is where your reflection takes place.

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The passion - compassion - pity - contempt chain

Posted by Philip on 11 November 2011, 6:04 pm in , , , , , ,

Most close relationships — be they parental, friendships, intimate or professional — begin with passion. We see all the good things — the cuteness, the interesting ideas, the good looks, the skills, the strengths.

As the relationship matures and develops, we need to bring in compassion. This allows us to understand and excuse the naughtiness, the lateness, the strange habits, the occasional inflexibility, the weaknesses.

Relationships based on passion and compassion are healthy, useful, balanced. We are human.

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