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Viewing entries tagged with 'humility'

Confidence and humility – the dance of the balanced ego

Posted by Philip on 2 September 2016, 10:38 am in , , ,

Balancing confidence and humility in any relationship, be it personal or professional, is a real skill. The first step is to become aware of what the two are. Author of The Art and Etiquette of Polyamory, Françoise Simpère writes:

“Arrogance...is generally a cover for a chronic lack of self-confidence.To be specific, self-confidence is when one is aware of his or her qualities without falling victim to false modesty. Humility allows one to recognise quietly that even though he or she is a wonderful person, there may be qualities that he or she lacks. An individual with a balanced ego is fully aware of his or her own existence and does not need others to confirm it. He or she is interested in others because of who they are, and not because of a need to see him or herself as a reflection in their admiring eyes.”

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Leadership as host, disruptor, navigator

Posted by Philip on 4 July 2016, 7:46 pm in , , , , , ,

As Director of the Be. Leadership programme, which is now welcoming 2017 applications, I answered some questions on what different leadership styles mean. Published on Stuff.co.nz on 1 July 2016.

What does being a leader as host/disrupter/navigator mean?

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Diversity and the ability to give and accept an apology

Posted by Philip on 26 January 2016, 11:00 am in , , ,

Diversity is diverse, infinitely diverse. As I wrote recently, "Self-awareness is more useful than having some form of "textbook knowledge" of other people. Because there are no rules of thumb for engaging respectfully and meaningfully with people if you want to acknowledge the true nature of diversity."

Part of this approach to diversity requires the willingness to be wrong and the humility to apologise. To heal the mistake, the generosity of the wronged party to forgive, is also necessary.

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Beyond apology and forgiveness

Posted by Philip on 27 October 2015, 4:51 pm in , , , , , , , ,

If there's one thing you can seldom plan for, it's conflict. Unless you're purposely pushing for an emotional rupture, or you're entering a meltdown situation with prior warning, conflict usually blind-sides you.

It's one of those, "you think one thing's going to happen and something else does" moments, about which Kathryn Schulz muses

All the hindsight in the world doesn't help. It's been said or done, can't be unsaid or be undone because, damnit, linear time travel hasn't been invented yet. Parallel time travel — well that's another post.

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The shame about Pride

Posted by Philip on 22 February 2015, 1:32 pm in , , , , , , , , , ,

rainbow flag losing colourI had about 30 seconds of doubt but, after applying an essentialist principle — if it isn’t a definite Yes it’s a definite No — I decided not to go to the Pride Parade last night. Waking up to a barrage of outrage on social media about the assault that took place, I'm doubly glad — I have real concerns about the organisers’ response to what happened and I would have hated the crowds.

Win win, for me anyway.

What I gather went down was this: A small group of people (three it seems) were protesting peacefully about the treatment of transgender prison inmates. According to GayNZ.com:

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To admire or not to admire

Posted by Philip on 10 December 2013, 3:29 pm in , , , , , , ,

Admiration is a funny thing. Full of questions, it seems to me.

  • Who to admire? What to admire?
  • Admire the person? Admire what they say or do? Both?
  • Oh, and is it ok to admire yourself?

What does admiration mean?

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Diversity — are you trying to get it right?

Posted by Philip on 12 November 2013, 4:04 pm in , , , , , , , , , , , ,

wrong_way_thumbs_up

If you are, you're very likely to get it wrong.

Organisations that build cultures that require people to do the right thing in regards to culture, gender, sexuality, function (disability) etc, create behaviours governed by fear. People will avoid engagement in order to stay safe, because they'll be scared of getting it wrong.

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When technology goes bad

Posted by Philip on 17 April 2012, 6:26 pm in , ,

I arrived home at 5pm today to two phone calls from people saying they couldn't apply to our self-employment programme because the form was not working.

There were three possible reasons:

  1. User error (user's resposibility)
  2. Browser error (web developers' responsibility)
  3. Form error (my responsibiity)

As it turned out it was a form error, and therefore my responsibility to resolve. But because I had received three applications successfully, I had to rule out the first two possibilities before I could take responsibility.

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OMG! I got good service!

Posted by Philip on 7 February 2012, 11:05 am in , , , ,

This morning I rang Apple to return a gadget whose power adaptor was malfunctioning. I was a few days past the 14 day no questions asked timeframe, but the guy spoke to his supervisor and they accepted the return.

Yesterday I rang Tyler St Garage and asked if they could cater for a friend I'm having lunch with today who's gluten intolerent and vegan. They said not only would they do their best, but if they couldn't, they shared a kitchen with the nextdoor restaurant so could bring through food from there if need be.

Last week I went to Mercy Radiology to get an x-ray on my back which has been giving me grief. Rather than try to manhandle me onto the table as has happened before, the radiographer listened to me as I told her I'd ask her if I needed help. "Of course," she smiled and shrugged, "what would I know about what you need?"

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How balanced is your ego?

Posted by Philip on 21 November 2011, 12:20 pm in , , , ,

French relationship expert Françoise Simpère writes:

"The arrogance of megolomaniacs is generally a cover for a chronic lack of self-confidence. Self-confidence is when one is aware of his or her qualities without falling victim to false modesty, while humility allows one to recognise quietly that even though he or she is a wonderful person, there may be qualities that he or she lacks. An individual with a balanced ego is fully aware of his or her own existence and does not need others to confirm it." (F. Simpère, The Art and Etiquette of Polyamory, 2011)

Chance would be a fine thing to find a politician on Earth with a balanced ego. Ironically, democracy as we know it couldn't exist without them needing confirmation from others of their existence. We'll be doing a lot of that next Saturday.

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