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Posted by Philip on 15 December 2016, 12:39 pm in , , , ,

Last rant for 2016...probably

It's that time again. I'm taking a few weeks off from 16 December to enjoy the summer.

This break is so important to me. I deliberately stay home, because going away means negotiating an unfamiliar enviroment which is physically taxing. At home I'm able to use minimal energy and maximise the time to relax and rejuvenate. 

This year I'm refusing to visit anyone. I always feel bad refusing invitations so I've decided to make it clear I'm not going anywhere. I'm having a true staycation. People are very welcome to visit, however, to come and sit on my deck..

It's always a tricky time of year for me, as I always write. I have to juggle my support need to accommodate my PAs going away, so my routine gets a bit messed up. But that's ok. It's the solitude that I paradoxically crave and struggle with. This year I'm going to try to minimise the struggle by minimising internal storytelling that I'm missing out or I'm not popular enough.

I have a lot to reflect on, too. My life's not quite as I want it at the moment. I feel a bit stale. As I prepare for my 50th birthday next year, I'd like to be living around people I know better and who share my values. There's something missing in the work I do too — I want to be doing more work that empassions me — something that really embodies my belief that there are better ways of living where we truly value our diversity and are able to fully express our most authentic identities.

I also need to ease up on the old leadership juice (wine)! I've been a bit lax with myself since I had those bastard neighbours a few years ago. I don't want to stop drinking altogether but, after this holiday, I want to give myself a few rules. My inner rebel is screaming as I write this but he needs to get over himself and start acting like a 50-year-old, not a 15-year-old!

And I'm going to be 50 next year! I'm not ready to be 50 — it's really messing with my head. I feel 30, if that. I'm not grown up enough to be starting a second half-century. It annoys me that we label ourself in years. Maybe I'll just stop doing that. Maybe I'll just become ageless, timeless even. People will ask, "How old are you?" and I'll just say I don't know or I don't have an age or, I don't know, something esoteric and unexpected.

So, unless something worthy happens, this might be my last ranty post this year. It's been a shit year in many ways — so much death, cancer, illness, violence, so many political surprises — none of them good — the car crash. See? No wonder I drink.

But then, it's been a great year too. I've done some wonderful work with wonderful people, got named top 10 global diversity consultant again (which, because I'm the only Kiwi on the list, technically means I'm the top diversity consultant in New Zealand, so there) and a whole lot of fun times with friends, great shows, great Netflix viewing, the book chapter and, of course, bigs laughs with my gorgeous Meg. But no sex. Oh well, that can actually be a good thing too — life's simpler without it. I'll let you know if it changes, in the best possible taste.

So thanks for your support this year, for reading my rants and musings. I so enjoy this blog, especially because I take no notice of the myriad "blogsperts" who write endless shit about what, when and how to blog. I just write what the hell I'm thinking about and enjoy the likes and retweets. 

Be safe, have fun and I'll be back into it around 16 January. And I might see you on my deck before.

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